rocking the knob right off, ride on pawnin’ the knob ride off, right off you can’t buy love, but you sure can rent it. so here’s how you gents can pawn your penis head on down to your local girlie saloon hold your head up, don’t act a fool now! men are from Mars and women from Venus if you rack up a debt, you can pawn your penis. taking it off is a noble profession
showing it all with the girlies obsessing. no time to be choosy, you’re “Mr. smoothie”, shake, shake, shake! some girls need a maid some men need a pasture your ass needs a smack, no need to indenture knocking on wood and pushing on plastic tickle the trunk and she’ll soon be yelling, round irkin’ the girkin’, cruisin’ for a bruisin’ a slap on the back, now you’re “Mt. St. Using” got a cricket paddle in the basket obelisk ready now for an asskick a moderate leash for your gentleman caller burning a bridge over Kilimanjaro a kick and a scream there’s a horse in the buggy a ride on the steeple, we’re not in a hurry taking a trip, gotta see ‘em to believe ‘em whipping and chaining up, no deceiving what a wicked web we weave when last we do deceive there’s no turning around with six figures I drown shake, shake, shake, shake the fireman, you’re so hot, I gotta put it out calling in sick, you sure need a kicking your ring of fire can sure take a lickin’ not a lot of squeeze, but we got a lot o’ fruit with kaegles and time, then over I shoot your ball gag a sure thing no beads on your... necklace for giving me a “Dirty Sanchez”, I thank you putting a plug in a “dark” situation I’m starting to think... I might be over working hocking the cock isn’t always so easy try to be nice and you won’t feel sleazy taking my time, it’s a moment to cherish working it off when I pawn my penis we’re coating the sausage, a sticky situation my banger gets mashed, the gravy no kidding pulling the tail on a “barbeque mouse trap” I figure you won’t mind if I pre-wrap... what a wicked web we weave when last we do deceive there’s no turning around with six figures I drown

looking for some good beer I can’t find my own kind so I drink before 09:00. I understand the concepts of hops and malts, I think. but when they come together then I’ll know, then I know impotence no no no no no! it’s that corporate beer! I can’t get it up I think I’ve had enough. no no no no no my wife, she wants.... happIness looking for a hummer on 118’th Ave it’s like shooting fish; into a barrel. 
find some self respect go down whyte and check out Blackbyrd.
then get wasted, at Wunderbar. pay the cover charge don’t you guest list “Marge” she’s your newfound charm just don’t feel up her skirt no no no Molson! no no no Labatt$! no more toxic beer goes down my escort’s gullet feeling kinda frisky, three beers in I couldn’t sin, so I reached in no no no no no! no no no no no! 
she’s got... happIness this is kinda awkward...
what should I do? I’ll eat me a grilled cheese
and think about my squeeze. no no no Molson! no Anheiser Bush! no more toxic swill goes down her transgendered gullet no no it’s so good, I can’t get enough and it’s not because 
I found... happIness hey Craig, so what’s my tab: 
I need to split. it seems that I’m in 
quite the.... “predicKament” down by the legislature, eternal flame getting “strange”. step into the fountain wash it off my dear, are we in the clear? paper or plastic, smoke it with a flick here is some cab fare, for MY ride home no no no Molson! no no no Labatts! no more corporate beer goes down my alcoholic gullet. no no, but it’s so good hide it in my food. no one will ever know, 
I had, Wunderbeer

We’re all just ordinary average jerks. Our friends say they’re straightedge So they want to get drunk But they can’t find a good beer To hide in their trunk. Let’s go down Whyte Ave, Support Wunderbar Give some change to the “hobos” So they can buy more. We’re all just ordinary average drunks Go see a show, maybe drink in the back My friend she enjoys me, She ties her hair back There’s places to party, There’s places to score Just show me a bathroom, I’ll bust on the floor We’re all just ordinary average sluts Here at the office, working so late My staff is so hungry, They went home at 20:00 I will bend the intern over my desk A full time position, she do think is best No vasectomy, so wax her headlights She didn’t notice, her cervix in flight We’re all just ordinary average dads Cling to the sunset, confession at dawn Told we’re both winners, so we want to score No “haste will make waste”, stand on the pier We don’t know why, but we get up and cheer No swimming in gene pools, no diving in muffs Our father is buying his “strange” before lunch Shotgun marriages, the loves we expect She’s arranging flowers, while milking his farm We’re all just ordinary average wives Reel in a man with a short skirted yawn Spawn up a nest egg and swallow his charm The rooster you clean With your eyelashes closed The stinging won’t hurt you, The yolk’s in his clothes If it’s not a planet that you want to chew You can get schoolin’ - a job that’s for you Get a divorce or work as a store Temptations is hiring, red rockets adore We’re all just ordinary average clerks No credit card numbers from crack addict “perps” We sure don’t do cashback The washroom’s reserved This minimum wage, it’s hardly deserved Smiling not forced for the johns that we serve Paperwork cashouts, they balance and check 10 bucks in your pocket Your boss won’t suspect Let’s go to Wunderbar Find some good beer Go home and pass out Get up with a cheer We’re all just ordinary average jerks.

Scrotie: “Oh, so we uh gotta sing, hey.” Red: “They’re gonna let us sing here, on this one? Right on.” Scrotie: “Gotta earn those session dollars” How many rubs will make a right? How many tugs will work tonight? Where were you, while they were “smoking pole?” Slowly sliding down the hall Clicking heels, a bra too small Falling out, down on Stony Plain Road Someday you will find her Wide eyed, getting cab fare For a ride above a black hole Escorted cum lattes in the sky (Recorder part), then Red: “Well apparently somebody should have dropped out in kindergarten to be a rock star” Not just paying for their school Kids at home, a sitter rules Turning tricks Down on Stony Plain Road Smoking crack behind the bar Huddled in a worn down car Where were they While John was getting off? This was no temptation, A comic release, our “Escorted cum lattes” (x2) These rig pigs need to Get their rocks off, Go home to their wives. Their jizz entwined, a piercing kind Their safe is bolted down to our ceiling At (the dump known as) The “Blackspot Café” (Edmonton’s WM for musicians) Red: “Holy sheepers, I wish they’d just use AutoTune” Someday you will find her Wide eyed, taking cab fares For a “hotdog down that hallway”* (* a stolen Seth MacFarlane/Family Guy joke) Escorted cum lattes in the sky

I had this job, it kind of sucked Life in Alberta, it’s pretty rough If you’re not with them You’re out of luck So hit the oilfield - and buy a truck Our incomes are wasted On doctor’s gone crazy It’s kind of hard to get good head, out west Chase that money, forget you’re stuck There’s so much more here Than getting fucked Go get some cocaine to fix that rust Suck your own dick, don’t be a slut Our tax dollars wasted On credit card payments It’s pretty hard to keep good head, Out west Temptations massage, let’s give ‘em a call Order some takeout of sleazy bar New City Suburbs, they had to move Their bouncer’s haircut Their reputation bruised Cash dollars hazy This Edmonton oil plagues me ‘Cause it’s not hard to get bad head Out west Lust for distraction Throw it away Then find a new light To lead your way Come ride the oil wave on ETS Don’t bother paying, cause you know The answer’s yes We sure are pro-active With our bulletproof glasses Drop off the purpose pickup the drive and cut the line Bus drivers dialing Up dopers for siding To drown the tap, an ill felt rap On mental wrists (It’s the Alberta Advantage) Some jobs are like toilet paper You keep them long enough To wipe your rear It pretty hard, to wipe your ass, out west Let’s go to West Ed To suicide Rent us a handgun To gentrify We’ll hit the bullet on the hammer’s back To close the gap between The rich and the sack We sure are proactive with Oil covered caskets Don’t grow a mohawk Stop cutting it off